Hello Big Bird...you ol' turkey you!

Well, this one's for the birds! ha, ha, ha ok that was a little turkey cookin' humor.  The other day I decided to thaw the giant bird in our freezer and get to cookin'.  This morning I got up feeling frisky enough to jump on the "I cooked a turkey" bandwagon.  So, this is my adventure wranglin' up myself a turkey for dinner!

I got the Kosher little fella out of the fridge and began cutting away the packaging.  A little euw.  I finally got it all pealed away and cut out the directions.  Now I have this giant featherless blob of skin laying in my sink.  Double euw.  Now what to do?  Oh boy, I gotta touch this thing?  Serious?  Okay, well I suck it up and lift up the carcass to wash it off.  I am lurching at this point. I quickly give Big Bird his final earthly bath and towel him down- thank the Lord for Mr. Bounty.

I read the following direction.  It says I am supposed to 'rub' salt and pepper on this bird.  Are you kidding me?!  I throw up a little in my mouth just thinking about 'rubbing' the slimy, clammy skin of Big Poppa.

Oh yeah, forgot to take the neck and giblets (Yes, all those lovely little gals- known as Gibblets- that hung out at Gibbs hall quickly flashed into my memory!!) out of the cavity.  I am thinking that I might just leave this guy laying in the sink until Matt can figure this mess out.  Ok, Matt's funny saying from the hospital comes to my mind..."Sarah, pull yourself together!" (God bless that doctor).  Ok, next thought:  "Sarah if you can give birth, then you can do this!" Okay, refocus.  I reach in and remove the neck....I can't find the giblets.  I am looking and looking and they are NO WHERE to be found!! Moving on.  If they are still in there and I can't see them, I have just created the perfect excuse... just in case my bird is terrible!

I shake the salt and pepper on the outside- top and bottom- easy enough....now how am I supposed to get it INSIDE this thing??  Okay, I open it up a little and shake.  That is as far as I go- I draw the line at RUBBING my hand inside the dead blob laying on my counter.

I prep up my pan for the bird, using mushrooms, carrots, celery, asparagus, onions, and green peppers.  That mixture sure looks yummy, hope it turns out okay. 

I take the same items and start tossing them into the bird, trying not to touch it much.  I then figure out another use for the celery stalks- shoving the veggies into the bird!!  GENIUS!  So this moves my progress along nicely.  I baste it a bit and then its off for Big Bird's last earthly tan!

So here is how the lovely carcass known as Big Bird looked once he was prepped for tanning!  Ain't he a beauty?!

Okay, so according to the package, it says that I should cook this bad boy for 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours.  I choose 4 hours for a couple reasons: 1.  It's nice to be in the middle :) and 2.  I sure don't wanna make KFC crispy in my oven after all of my prepping, lurching, and the occasional hurling.  I worked hard on this plucked cluck!

I check on Biggie a couple of times and he looks like he is tannin' nicely.  After about 2 1/2 hours, I decided it was time for the Big Cover-Up!

So in case you have been confused at any point...this is my FIRST BIRD.  I have been married to a lovely husband for over 5 years and I have had the fortunate blessing of never cooking a bird on Thanksgiving.  Now most of you know me and know that I used to work at Target...as does Matt.  Now, if you think about it, who the heck, in their right mind would want to be cookin' all day on Thanksgiving the day before Black Friday?!  Certainly not the two of us, as usually we were at the store with a team prepping for BF.  So, alas, no bird for me.  Now "What about last year?" you may say.  Well, I could have made a turkey since I was so blessed to be in a new job, however there are two FABULOUS reasons I didn't.  First, I was pregnant and it was my birthday- there ain't no way I'm cooking on my birthday! Ha, ha and second, we were at Disney World!!  So, we were more than happy to let the lovely folks working at Disney whip up a tasty meal for us!

But I digress.  Back to the big wrap-up. Now that everyone knows this is the first plucker at our house...I have no idea how much foil to use to wrap Biggie up with....so here is what I came up with! ha ha ha- foiled madness!  Do ya think its enough?? =)

Okay, here we go....wrappin' in progress...

So, I finally finished wrapping Big Bird and stuck him back in the tanner for the final leg of his last earthly vacation.  He will spend the remainder of his full-carcassness in the lovely sauna that I built around him with my mountain of foil!

The final product.  Thank you Big Bird for your contribution to my family's "Yay its Fall!" dinner celebration!  You grossed me more than once, but you were a trooper, and I "pulled it together."  What a nice duo we made for more than a couple hours today!  Hubby liked you so all is good =)


Now some of you might ask what was sweet Isabella doing the whole time I was wrestling with my demon known as Big Bird??

She was snoozing.  In true Dressler/McKinney style!










So, that pretty much wraps up my adventures with Big Bird.  I hope you enjoyed hearing about Biggie's Big Bird Bake!!